First Annual Singles Conference

I. Corinthians 7:26-34

"I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you. But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away. But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord; But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

(Prayer)

Now, there would be some that would try and take this portion of scripture and pervert it by saying that marriage is not good. For marriage is good, and we have seen that in these messages. For marriage is good, because it is honorable. If a man was to take this scripture and try to prove that marrying a woman is bad, then they do not understand the value of a virtuous woman, and vice versa. But, we cannot deny the things that are being taught from the scriptures here. There are some things that we could look at. Now, we will be referring back to this portion of scripture from time to time.

I believe that there is a gift of singleness, I really do. There are some people that God gives this unto, this gift of singleness. For there are many Godly, older saints of God who have never been married, or have lost their spouse and have never remarried, and they really serve God. So, this is not just for those who have never been married, but maybe you who have been married and lost your spouse, you can still serve God. Now, the fact is that God did not give this gift to everyone, did He? There is a gift of singleness. I believe some people have got it, but not everyone. I'm glad everyone doesn't, because if everyone did...life would be real short, wouldn't it? We wouldn't even be here, right? I mean, I'm glad He didn't give the gift of singleness to Adam, because we wouldn't have needed Eve, and then nobody would've been here. You know, so He didn't give the gift of singleness to everybody. But, there are a few, and I believe that it is only a few. Now, nevertheless, as you consider the question of dating and marriage or courtship, you must be sure that you aren't...now this is very important. This is very important, this is what they said in this book, and I thought it was real good. As you consider the question of dating and marriage, you must be sure that you aren't seeking a relationship with someone as a substitute for basking and belonging to Jesus Christ. Your marriage partner will not be a substitute for your fellowship with God. You need to be happy in Jesus Christ right now. Because, if you aren't right now, you're not going to get it when you get married. It's not going to happen like that. Now, which brings us to our first point.

1. Be content with where God has you now.

You need to be content in your single state, you really do. And, you've got to learn to be content with where you're at right now. That is very crucial and very important. In the book of Philippians 4, and I'm going to show you why you need to be content while you are single right now. In Philippians 4:11, Paul who was single said:

Philippians 4:11 - "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."

Paul who was single says, It matters not what kind of a condition I'm in, no matter what kind of circumstance I'm in, I'm going to be content with where God has me right now. When it says "whatsoever state I'm in," that doesn't mean West Virginia or Illinois, whatever condition, whatever circumstance God has placed me in, I'm going to learn. There's a process there, right? He says "for I have learned." It's not something that he just automatically had, sometimes it takes time, it really does. You may not be content as a single right now. But, I tell you what, you're learning, you need to learn. You need to learn how to be content with where God has you now. That doesn't mean that it's wrong to have desires to be married. That's not what I'm talking about, and I'm going to get more direct here in a moment. But, until you learn to be happy and content as a single, and accept God's will for your life right now, you're not even ready for marriage. You know, I've talked to many people, and it seems as if there were stages in their life, and this is the way it happened with me...but, they wanted marriage, they wanted marriage, they wanted marriage, and they wanted a spouse. And that's all they thought about, and that's all they talked about. And that's all that they looked for, and they were constantly just worrying and fretting about that. And then, finally, when they give up, "Ok God, I'm just happy with where you've got me," you know, "I give up, I'm through with worrying and fretting."...here they come through the door. Folks, God is not going to give you a spouse to fulfil your desires to be happy. Because, you need to be happy now in Jesus Christ. That relationship of a marriage partner is not to replace your fellowship with God. If you're searching for marriage in order to be happy, that's not the right reason. It's really not. That may not make a lot of sense, but you'll see here in just a moment. Until you learn to be happy and content as a single, and accept God's will for you right now, as I said, you're not even ready for marriage.

God will not give you a wife or husband so that you will be content. God does not spoil His children. He will not give you a mate so that you will finally be happy. It doesn't work that way. It does not, you may think it does, but it does not. For God is the most loving, caring, sensible, strongest, kindest person there is, and if you can't be happy by communing with Him, what makes you think you can finally be happy as a Christian when you're finally married? It doesn't work that way. I understand that there's a sense of loneliness that comes, and that is all natural. But, there's a difference in being content with where God has you right now, and being so lonely and desiring a husband or desiring a wife, and letting it consume you to the point that you're not happy as a Christian. Because, it can...it did me...it really did. I want to show you in Hebrews 13. Let me show you why it is so crucial to be happy as a single, and to be content with where God has you right now. That doesn't mean that it's wrong to want a husband or want a wife. That's not what I'm talking about. But, there's a sense that can come over you in which it becomes covetousness. He says, "Whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Now, in Hebrews 13:5 he says:

Hebrews 13:5 - "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."

Now, a lot of times when we think of being content, we think of being satisfied with what God has given you concerning money. But, it does beyond that. If God has you single, then you need to learn to be satisfied in your present state at this moment. You've got to, it's very crucial. I'm not sure that a person is content or satisfied if they are constantly worrying, fretting, and sizing up every single that they meet. I mean, that's all they talk about. It consumes them. I mean, if another single walks in the room, they're like, "Uhhhhhh, I don't know, 1, 2, maybe a 4 if he's lucky, I don't know." You know, I mean it consumes them. It's all they think about, it's all they talk about. Listen, that's really not right, it's really not. Don't let it get a hold of you to where you can't control your thoughts, as we talked about in the message before. Because, what you are displaying is a lack of content with where God has you now. There's nothing wrong with looking for that special someone. There's nothing wrong with seeing if they have good characteristics, if they might be the one God would have for you. But, don't let it overcome you to where it takes away your joy as being a Christian, because it can, it did me..it really will.

Now...example. You know, you meet people, and all they ever want to talk about is making that extra dollar. Man, that's all they talk about. You know, if I make some cuts here, make some cuts there, I'll have extra money here. I mean, it comes to the place to where it consumes them, and money is the only thing they think about, the only thing they talk about, and it really gets a hold of them. What do you think about that person? Man, that person is not content with what they have. They're covetous, and it is ridiculous with the way they look at money. I mean, it consumes them, and it's all they talk about. It can become the same way as a single. If it consumes you, it's all you ever talk about...I mean, it's like it's always on your mind, and it's just driving you crazy, and you've gotta go out and find someone, run in here, run in there, "I've gotta find someone, gotta find someone," and it becomes covetousness. It really can. Now, you'll see why covetousness is so bad here in just a moment.

You know, when people see you as a single, they shouldn't see you as a person that always has to have a boyfriend. Have you seen people like that? They always have to have a boyfriend. They always have to have a girlfriend. They always have to be in a relationship. If they're not, they go crazy. You know, they've gotta have a relationship of some kind, they've got to, got to. I mean, it consumes them, it's all they think about, all they talk about. That is not right. Don't let it consume you. People will think of you as a person who is not content with where God has you. Now, you've seen people where they worry about it, they fret about it, always in despair, because they might think that they might be single for a few more years than they had planned. Listen, God does have a plan for you, and He does have someone for you, if He will have you to be married. For we do not plan our life, but God does. So, if God has you single, be content with that right now. That doesn't mean you can't look for that someone. That doesn't mean that the people that you meet and God brings into your lives, that they may not be a potential marriage partner. But, it simply means, don't let it take your joy away from serving God. Don't let it consume you. And, parents don't be pressuring your children to get married to where they feel that they are in despair, that they are a reject, and that they are not happy. Because, when you pressure them into marriage, and you make them feel like something is wrong with them, you destroy them. Don't do that! Do not do that. Now...so, if God has you single, be content with that.

Sometims, yet I don't agree, husbands will leave wives, and wives leave husbands. But, God, and I find that very interesting, God says here about being content about not being covetous, He says, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Those things do happen, don't they? Those do happen, but God says, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." So, do not try to find a marriage partner to substitute your joy in Christ. Because, listen, you just cannot do that, because what does it become? Covetousness. If you are not content, then you are what? If you're not content with where God has you today, What are you? Covetous. Now, there in Hebrews 13:5, it is very obvious, "Let your conversation be with covetousness, and be content." God says, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife." Be careful that you're not looking at other people's wives or husbands, wishing them to be yours. In Exodus 18:21, it speaks of able men who are to be rulers of thousands. Their characteristics are to be such as fear God, men of truth, hating covetousness. When you find yourself coveting a husband or wife, in the sense that you are not happy and discontent where God has you, then you need to learn to hate those thoughts. Before I was married, I saw women that were godly, and I would look at them in the aspect of, I want someone like that. Someone with that nature, with those characteristics. There's nothing wrong with that. But, don't let it consume you to where you're wanting them. That's not right either.

Now, do you realize that if you allow the idea of marriage to consume you to the point that you're constantly thinking about it, constantly worrying about it, constantly fretting about it, you're not happy, you're not happy in the Lord, and you don't think that you can really be happy unless you have a husband or a wife, that not only are you being covetous, but you have let the idea of marriage become idolatrous. In Colossians 3:5...because what you are doing, you are letting you being single get in your way of being happy in God and serving God, and you think you cannot really be happy and really serve God until you're married, you have let the idea of being married become idolatry. Because in Colossians 3:5, it says:

Colossians 3:5 - "Mortify therfore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:

So, if you don't learn to be content with where God has you, and you're always worrying and fretting about how long am I going to be single and always sizing up, and it consumes you where it's all you think about, you're not happy in God, you're not serving the Lord like you ought to be, because you're always worried about getting married, and it's made you unhappy, then what you have done, you're showing you're nothing but covetous. You're not happy where God has you. And, it becomes idolatry. The idea of marriage can become idolatrous. So, you see that a single that is overcome with the idea of being married and displays covetousness in their life, because as I say, they always have to have a boyfriend, always have to have a girlfriend, always have their eye open and always being covetous, always sizing up to the point that they're not happy, and it's hindering their fellowship with God, then the idea of being married has become idolatry.

Now, I found this very good with what the book here said that I recommended, called Choices, he says, "While I might prefer to live within a few hundred miles of the mountains where I grew up, I must be willing, really willing, to live at the equator for Christ's sake. Otherwise, I won't be free to enjoy the geography He places me in." To really be happy with wherever God has you, you have to learn to just accept God's will. We simply cannot dictate to God the terms under which we will serve Him. See, a lot of you might be thinking, I'll serve God a lot better when I get married. Listen, you're trying to dictate to God how well you will serve Him. God's not going to give you a mate if you're thinking like that. And, if He does give you one and you're thinking like that, a downhill slide could come to your marriage. Because, you're liable to end up with someone that will even hinder you more from serving God.

So, don't get the idea that you can serve God better if you're married. It doesn't mean that...it doesn't mean that at all. Wherever God has you in your life, you can serve Him. So, the first and most important point on serving God while single is you must learn to be content. Because, if you cannot be, then there's no need to go any further, because covetousness will destroy your Christian life. It will become idolatrous.

Now, I found this to be very good to have a point in here...very important.

2. How does God view singles?

In the book, Choices, it said, "The world can make life particularly difficult for the person who is insecure with his singleness. As one guy said, 'I grew to feel as though there was something wrong with me. I didn't have what it takes. I was defective merchandise.' Then he says, 'My thinking changed, and I relaxed as I saw that God might be trying to bless me with what I previously saw as a curse." Listen, because God has you single in your life right now, doesn't mean He's mad at you. It doesn't mean He's upset with you. It doesn't mean He's cursing you, and He's punishing you. It doesn't mean that at all. It means that there's something special that God has for you to do, that you may be able to do in your single life, that you may not be able to do when you get married. That's just truth, folks. I don't believe the Word of God teaches there in I. Corinthians that we can only serve God real good if we're single. But, I believe it is very evident that there are some things single people can do that married people cannot do, as well.

Take Paul, for an example. He traveled around a lot. I mean, he would go from one place to another, riding on ships, and he just went through a lot, didn't he? But, could you imagine if he was married and had six or eight kids? I mean, I know how long it takes to get ready with one kid to come to church...just to come to church. Are you following me? There are just some things, if you are by yourself, you will be able to do them more productive in a quicker, better way sometimes. I mean, that's just fact of scripture. I mean, the Word of God is very obvious about what it teaches there in I. Corinthians 7. Not that you can't serve God once you're married, but you do serve God in a different way. You've gotta make decisions by yourself...between you and God. It's not something you decide as a family, and there are so many things that come into that. So, consider that God may not be trying to curse you, He may be trying to bless you. There is something out there that God has for you to do. So, do not consider your single life right now as a curse. It just may be a blessing for you to receive right now.

It would not be hard for a single to be rejected in a world that is geared so much for couples. You know, everything is geared for couples, isn't it? I mean, even the roller coasters only have room for two seats, you know? What's a single guy or girl do, ride the roller coaster all by themselves? Everything is by couples. I mean, how often do you sit down at a restaurant, and you find a place with five chairs, or three chairs? It's not like that...you have two, four, six, eight chairs...everything is geared for couples. As we go through life as a single, and you go into places like that. "Oh, let's pull up an extra chair for the single." You know, that's how it works. You have two couples and a single..."Well, let's pull up an extra chair for them and let them sit on the end." Everything is geared for couples. And therefore, it is very easy for you as a single to feel rejected, and I understand that. I really do, and it's easy to feel that way. But, listen, God is not cursing you. God may just be trying to bless you in a way that he may not be able to bless a married person. Find out what God has for you, because there's a purpose for you being single. And, it just may be something that you can do right now, that you may not be able to do when you get married. Because, there are some things that I did differently when I was single, that I do not do now that I'm married. And, not in the sense that she's hindering me or not wanting me to do those things, but you just do things differently. Not that I'm not serving God as well, but things are done differently. And.....I don't even know how to explain it all, ok? But, I know that the Word of God is right, and there are things that you can do that maybe a married person cannot do. And, like I said, Paul I believe is a perfect example.

Now, if you're saved and in Jesus Christ, the Lord loves you. Now, God is interested in you as a whole person...not just the part of you that may become a wife, husband, mother or father. Whether you marry or not, you're going to have to live with the person who you are, for the rest of your life, for a very long time. God did not say, "I will never leave thee if you get married." "I will never forsake thee if you finally find a wife." No, he says, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." And there's no stipulations upon that if you finally get married. So, you can enjoy your single life right now, be content with where you're at. Yes, you can be waiting for that special someone and have your eyes open, but don't let it consume you to where you can't find out what God wants you to do today. Now, you need to realize that just because God doesn't have you married, that it doesn't mean he's punishing you. It doesn't mean that at all...doesn't mean that one bit.

Singles, I believe, are special to God. It says, "He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord." It's not that a married person cannot serve God, but it's plain that singles are more free to do things, that they may not be able to do, while married. Now, you know who you are, but I'm going to use you as an example, ok? I'm not going to mention your name, but you told me there was something in your life that you were considering to do as a single. There's been a couple of you that have. Listen, you may not be able to do that when you're married. I mean, you just may not. The husband or wife that you marry, that may not be what God wants them to do. Am I making sense here? So, you need to be serving God now. Find out what God would have you to do now. Because, for your husband or wife, that may not be what they are to do. So, God has a special project for you. I believe that...I believe that single people are special to God. So, don't get the false assumption that God is upset with you, because there is something out there that God wants you to do. Maybe that you may not be able to do when you get married. God has you single for a reason, so use that time wisely. God doesn't have you single so you can live it up, and fulfil all your fleshly desires until you get married. That's not the purpose of God having you single right now in your life. He has a job for you to do. He has something for you to do to glorify and honor His name. And, it's not just to run around and have a good time, and live it up and go here and go there, but it's to serve God in your life. Something for you to do before you get married...something you may not be able to do once you get married.

You know, some of you live great distances. If two people are dating and they live great distances apart...if they get married one day and one moves to be with the other, he or she won't be able to reach the people they used to because they don't live there anymore. That person won't be there anymore. So, you need to be really serving God where you're at today, because you may not be there when you get married. I believe that is very obvious.

Now, in speaking on how God views singles, I'm afraid that many get the idea that if they finally reach that spiritual goal in their life, that God will FINALLY send them someone. That is not true. If you've got the idea that you can earn your wife, or you can earn your husband, you don't know the value of your future husband or future wife. I did not earn my wife. I do not deserve her, ok? I did not earn her, before she came into my life. So, if you have that idea that if I finally reach a spiritual goal in my life, God will send me someone, throw it out the door. That is no good, and you do not have the right view of what a good wife and a good husband is. Now, there are people that think they can get an "X" number of spiritual points, and then God will send them someone. I like what this book, Choices said. It said, "Marriage and spiritual maturity do not always accompany one another. A husband or wife is a gift from God, given or not given to His perfect wisdom." Now, I do want to clarify that a little bit. I do believe there will be some maturity there. But, listen, folks...you can't come to that conclusion, and I'll tell you why.

To have that idea is to say that all the people who have served God faithfully, never been married or never remarried, have failed in their Christian life. I don't believe that. We have some Godly women in this church that are single, older in age, and they are more Godly then I will probably ever be. I do not appreciate the term "old maid." For there are some precious saints of God who have never been married, and their rewards will far outweigh mine, and I realize that. So, do not look down on older, single people. God does not appreciate that, I guarantee you. Married couples, young singles...do not look down on an older single, for it is a respectable position before God. For Jesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived, and Jesus was single. Paul was single. Abraham did not become a great man of God because he finally got married. David did not become a great man of God because he finally got married. It does not work that way. You become a great man or woman of God because you love Jesus Christ, and you want to serve Him with all of your life and with all of your heart. You don't become that great man or woman of God because you finally got married. It doesn't happen that way. Serve God today while you are single. And, as you're looking for that special someone, look for that characteristic. Look for someone who's just serving God today while they're single. They're alright with where they're at right now. Yeah, they're looking for someone, they're not downplaying men or women, they are looking for someone. But, they're just serving God today. If you see someone who's waiting to get married before they can start serving God, you'd better beware and better be careful.

The patriarchs of the Bible did not become heroes of the faith because they finally got married. But, because they believed God and served Him, not because they might have been married, but because they loved the Lord. So, what we have seen is to be content with where God has you now. Remember how God views you, and realize that He loves you. For you cannot serve God successfully if you view your singleness as a curse from God. And, remember God has a purpose for you being single, and find that purpose. And, I'll say it again to the parents. Do not pressure your children into marriage, in the sense that you make them feel defect, because you are hurting them real bad. You're taking away their joy that they can experience by just fellowshipping with Jesus Christ. Do not do that.